Mad Oils

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

A Death. A Memorial. A Personal Note.

You may know me as "the husband," or Brad, or you may not know me at all, but I am in fact Joanna's husband Brad and I'm hijacking Joanna's blogs for a moment (this is being cross-posted to both The Soap Bar and the Product Body Blog) to share something with you all:

The "death of someone close" she mentioned in these pages was her step-father, Harry, who has been with Joanna's mom (who raised her) since Joanna was only eight. Harry passed away on July 31st. His memorial service is today.

Over these days, I've watched Joanna cope with Harry's illness and death with incredible grace, and strength, and sensitivity. I've watched her put her own grief to the side in order to be there for her mom and others. I've watched her struggle and succeed at being a strong and steady mother to our children, even while she had to deal with the loss of a father. In short I've seen, as I have always seen in Joanna, the kind of person I hope my children grow into.

So consider this a different sort of obituary. One that honors the feelings of someone left behind, to give her a moment of attention, and love, and support.

Shortly after Harry died, Joanna said this to me:
"Harry was the only person in my life when I was growing up that I never felt judged by. No matter what I did, no matter what mistakes I made, he was always supportive."
THAT is no small fucking thing, people. And you, my beautiful and amazing wife, most certainly deserved it.

So Harry, if somehow you're reading this, thanks. Thanks for giving the woman I love, the woman I would do anything for, something so valuable and rare.

11 comments:

Nell said...

That's a wonderful memorial. I've only known Joanna for a small while. But I can tell she's a special person. Anyone who loves her must be very special too.

LoveMichie said...

I'm so sorry for your loss Joanna and I only have the best of wishes for you and your family during this difficult time. *lots of hugs*

Heather@Twin Birch said...

Lots of love, Joanna! I'm so sorry about your loss. I hope you get lots of time to grieve the way you need to and enjoy the memories you have of your Dad. You sure do have an amazing hubby... that must be because you are such a stand out yourself!
xoxo Heather

Robin from-Organic Bathworks said...

Brad,
Your wife is one LUCKY lady. Your comments regarding her, remind me of my husband. Who passed away in a car accident in 2001. He was in law enforcement. He was loved by all that knew him. He was always amazed at how selfless I always was. I, like your wife am a proud woman. I take care of the troops first, I come second or next to last. It's the only way women "like us" know how to be. Your wife is a gift and it's obvious you appreciate her. It's such a nice thing to read in today's times. Take care of your special lady. Always let her know how you feel each and everyday. My husband did. We were "very tight" true soul mates. Your a dear Brad and I'm certain your wife knows this. Bless you both and your family during this trying time in your life..

lyly said...

My thoughts will be with you and your family. *hugz!

Carrie ~ Gigi said...

Hugs to the family. Such a loss is deep~ and remember memories are forver. He sounded like a wonderful, caring, senstive person~ and supportive of everything you do~ a saint. You & your family in my thoughts and prayers...

Suds to Love said...

Wonderful post Brad.

Hugs to the family, you will all be in my thoughts.

Trisha

Kim said...

As someone who lost her dad way too soon and very suddenly, I can certainly understand how emotionally draining, sad and overwhelming it all is.

If ever you need to chat, my friend, do not hesitate to contact me.

Huge hugs,
Kim

dalene said...

That is a wonderful tribute. Having someone in your life like that is no small thing indeed. (I appreciate the reminder to try to keep trying to be that kind of person to others.) I am sorry for your loss.

Thoughts and prayers--

Heidi said...

I'm at a loss for words. Thanks for sharing Brad...

in-between said...

Joanna - I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you have had 2 men in your life who have been very special to you and who think you are a truly special person as well. Just like we all do! Much love to you at this time.