There isn't a way to reinvent myself without blips, wrinkles or road bumps. Of course it will take time and energy and a lot of hard work to unravel myself...to put myself together mindfully...thoughtfully. There isn't an easy 5 step program that can tell me what to do to be successful or happy. Time and a lot of insightful self discovery can mean one thing; that growth is inevitable if I keep my eyes open.
I've learned a lot over the past 9 years writing this blog. I know I haven't been present here much for a few years. Life. That's really it. Life happened and my need to write and connect dissipated, and my need for it came in ebbs and flows.
A little about my life; I grew up in Brooklyn, New York to a family that was broken before I was even born. My youngest memories are filled with magic among the fog of tension that existed at home. Oh I felt the bad deeply, but I found my own kind of magic, whether it stemmed from coping with misery or if I was just a creative little girl, stuck in a sad cycle. I had amazing friendships as a young girl in Brooklyn. Wonderful memories fill my head with thoughts of friends (some lost, some gone forever) and our intimate times together. Every summer, I visited my grandparents in the mountains of North Carolina. That's where most of my childhood magic happened. I had freedom to explore the creeks, forests, pastures and gravel windy roads, play in wonderment and create my own fantasies and realities. The trips to the local library in my grandmother's convertible Camaro, top down, wind through our hair was one of my fondest memories. And the smell of the library and the sound of the crinkly plastic covers on all the books brought me great comfort.
My mind often runs off to Black Mountain and the wholesome, plentiful times I experienced every August. And so. And so, I sit here, 40 years later, wishing to tap into some of the good and magical moments spattered through my life, and especially in the mountains, so that I can gain some inspiration. If I am to reinvent my person, which I am already knee deep into, which direction do I go?
I immediately think that I must tap into my creativity because great knowledge has emerged from doing my art. I have dabbled in printmaking, ceramics, photography and making soap. I don't make soap anymore since starting my new company. I just don't have the time to get back in the groove.
Okay, that has to be bull. I AM a very busy woman. I run a company.... wear 500 hats at least, and my home life is busy, but I realize that if something is important to me, I have to make time for it. It's true for everyone. I can browse Facebook, Instagram, YouTube....for fun, inspiration and to fill my void... but the reality is that if I took a portion of that time looking at what OTHERS do, and I used it to invest in MY work/art/moving on.....then I will FEEL good. At least better. "Good" may take time to sit right there on my shoulder, but it feels like the right step. The first step.
Here goes.
The first thing I have to do is get my eyes checked. Hit 45 years old and stopped being able to focus on anything. Got glasses and now, a year later, I can't see the details of anything anymore. Not only is that frustrating when taking photographs, but downright impossible to feel good doing it if I can't see clearly. That is my Step One!
Step Two: Write in this blog more.
Step Three: Crack open my stone walls and TRUST there is still wonderment and innocence inside and set it FREE.
Step Four: Evaluate
Step Five: Unknown at this time...
Let me say something about something:
I've learned a lot over the past 9 years writing this blog. I know I haven't been present here much for a few years. Life. That's really it. Life happened and my need to write and connect dissipated, and my need for it came in ebbs and flows.
A little about my life; I grew up in Brooklyn, New York to a family that was broken before I was even born. My youngest memories are filled with magic among the fog of tension that existed at home. Oh I felt the bad deeply, but I found my own kind of magic, whether it stemmed from coping with misery or if I was just a creative little girl, stuck in a sad cycle. I had amazing friendships as a young girl in Brooklyn. Wonderful memories fill my head with thoughts of friends (some lost, some gone forever) and our intimate times together. Every summer, I visited my grandparents in the mountains of North Carolina. That's where most of my childhood magic happened. I had freedom to explore the creeks, forests, pastures and gravel windy roads, play in wonderment and create my own fantasies and realities. The trips to the local library in my grandmother's convertible Camaro, top down, wind through our hair was one of my fondest memories. And the smell of the library and the sound of the crinkly plastic covers on all the books brought me great comfort.
My mind often runs off to Black Mountain and the wholesome, plentiful times I experienced every August. And so. And so, I sit here, 40 years later, wishing to tap into some of the good and magical moments spattered through my life, and especially in the mountains, so that I can gain some inspiration. If I am to reinvent my person, which I am already knee deep into, which direction do I go?
I immediately think that I must tap into my creativity because great knowledge has emerged from doing my art. I have dabbled in printmaking, ceramics, photography and making soap. I don't make soap anymore since starting my new company. I just don't have the time to get back in the groove.
Okay, that has to be bull. I AM a very busy woman. I run a company.... wear 500 hats at least, and my home life is busy, but I realize that if something is important to me, I have to make time for it. It's true for everyone. I can browse Facebook, Instagram, YouTube....for fun, inspiration and to fill my void... but the reality is that if I took a portion of that time looking at what OTHERS do, and I used it to invest in MY work/art/moving on.....then I will FEEL good. At least better. "Good" may take time to sit right there on my shoulder, but it feels like the right step. The first step.
Here goes.
The first thing I have to do is get my eyes checked. Hit 45 years old and stopped being able to focus on anything. Got glasses and now, a year later, I can't see the details of anything anymore. Not only is that frustrating when taking photographs, but downright impossible to feel good doing it if I can't see clearly. That is my Step One!
Step Two: Write in this blog more.
Step Three: Crack open my stone walls and TRUST there is still wonderment and innocence inside and set it FREE.
Step Four: Evaluate
Step Five: Unknown at this time...
Let me say something about something:
- I have never claimed to be a writer.
- I am Grammatical Error Queen. I own that title, so try not to evaluate my errors. You will become tired and bored. I type what I think and I rarely look back or edit. I write from the hip. Is that a term? I do that.
- I do not assume anyone sees the value in what I say. This isn't to say I don't care. I do. But this blog starts here. With me. So you will have to decide whether to take me or leave me. In my journey to be the best me I can be, I really understand I will never please everyone all the time. It helps to focus more on goals when I realized that notion. Common sense makes the thought available, but it is much harder to implement. Easy to see. Not to do.
8 comments:
Although not claimed, you are a good writer...
<3 <3 <3
Hello, I found your blog while looking for inspiration for my up and coming blog. I quickly ran over your Reinventing Myself post, and was amazed at our similarities. I too born and raised in Brooklyn. Moved to Queens at 9 and remained there till after high school. I too, would travel to North Carolina every summer growing up to my grandparents place in the rural country (not the mountains). If you would be interested in connecting , please holler (Brooklyn Tawk) LOL! :-) richard@benjaminimports.com
Greetings, Keep writing from your hip and just do it. You got this!
Wishing you great things on your journey and take it one step at a time and step five will take care of itself!
From the hip and from the heart!
Thank you for article. It's one that many, including myself, can relate to. I am retired now, but still have to notch out time for myself! One thing I do is to put an "X" on a day in calendar. That day is my day. When someone asks me if I can do something or if I'm available, I say, I have a previous engagement. The "X" can be for a day, half a day etc. I started this when I was working, because I found myself so exhausted by responsibilities to job, family, friends, that I forgot me. If your not happy, no one else in your life will be. It's important to to move through life with joy. I wish you luck in your life reorganization. May it serve your spirit well!
Hi, just found this and wanted to thank you for the information. I have been making soap for about 2 years, I love getting all the info I can. thanks for sharing,
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